Seriously. Why?
If someone can answer this question for me, I might give you my first born child in payment (of course if he’s behaving anything like he was last night, I would be getting the good deal).
I don’t really like to bitch about my husband all over the intranets, but seriously??
This is why we moved to Analogy Land.
In my first marriage, my then husband, Jack, refused to ever give me flowers. And he knew that flowers were very important to me. I want flowers growing all over my yard and in vases on every flat surface of my house at all times. It makes me happy.
By the time we got divorced, I hadn’t had flowers in months. And the last time I had flowers I got them because I handed him $20 and said, “Jack, go buy me flowers. Now.” .
Enter the White King. We were friends during the demise of my first marriage. Very good friends. The kind of friends who talk about flowers and irritating husbands and loud children and flowers.
He knew that I was not getting flowers from my husband and that it irritated the fuck out of me. He consoled me on the lack of flowers in my marriage and tried to help me understand why my husband refused to give me flowers even when I begged.
Then we started dating. And flowers were everywhere. He planted them in my yard and his (so that I could be surrounded no matter where I was), and even when he was very sick, he still brought me flowers. And if he couldn’t get out of the house and flowers weren’t blooming in the yard, he drew me pictures of flowers or made them out of napkins and paper.
But here we are 20 months or so into our marriage, and the flowers in the yard have all died in the cursed drought and he hasn’t brought any new ones home in 9 fucking months.
There are no paper flowers, or napkin flowers, or drawings of flowers. My house is completely flower-less.
And we’ve talked. And I have looked at him, handed him $20 and said, “White King, get me some fucking flowers. Now.”
There are still no flowers.
What. The. Fuck??
Am I not worthy of flowers? Is there something about me that screams, “Do not buy this woman flowers.”?
No idea.
All I know is that I’m the fucking Queen and I’m getting flowers. And if a certain White King knows what’s good for him, he will start buying some flowers. Soon.
OMG!!! I like flowers, but my man (in the 4 years we have been together) has only got me flower 2 times! He dont even get me things for my birthday or our anniversary. Christmas is about the only time that I get something and usually its because I go get it with his money!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, guys do not look at the whole flower thing the way that women do. Me, for example, I'd rather see them growing somewhere in the sunshine than to know that their little lives were ended prematurely and they were snipped and stuck in some vase to please someone for a few short days before they wilt and droop over like Hugh Hefner's ding-a-ling now that he's in his eighties, despite an abundance of "lovely assistants" trying their best to keep the ol' flagpole upright in the name and spirit of the Playboy empire.
ReplyDeleteSo it might help for women to realize that when your man does get you flowers, he's doing it mainly to please YOU, because he ain't getting off on it that much. And if you become demanding about it, it's going to feel like an obligation to him--and the giving of flowers should always be from one's heart...isn't that the way you would prefer it?
So I suppose the moral is: If you want something done, ya gotta do it yourself!